Purpose

I don't know what the fukin' purpose of my life is!!! So damn difficult. 

Honestly, I love my child but she is not gonna need me when she grows up. Then what? May be learning new stuff, singing, dancing, going places...may be the world trip. Not the traditional like going to place to take a picture and move on but to stay and enjoy and what not...but then what?  What have I changed? Who the hell needs me? If they do, why? Did I make their life happy? Made any difference?  

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and can't figure out who that is? What's the relation? Do I know her? What is happening? 

 What kind of life is that which doesn't make any difference!! In a good way. What is good way anyways? Who decided what's good and what's bad? If that's fair then why the hell people who make other people's life miserable are not punished? 

I don't know anymore. Feels like I am wasting my life here. So I am giving my time to help at school. I am so tired...physically, mentally ..don't feel like talking to anyone for no reason. I use to feel happy even when the time was harsh...not just harsh but fucked up..now it's all fine...Then why the hell do I feel this crappy? Not sure what I wanna do and even if I do that I will be happy.